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Emptiness


A lot of people wish that they could have free time to do whatever they want, that being playing some games or catching up on a TV series. On the other hand, I wish that I could be occupied with more things.

Since I am still a student, having to deal with a few online classes in the week, I have a lot of free time to code things or play games. The thing is though that I find a lot of the games I used to play to be boring now, and I can’t be coding literally everyday since that’s gonna get boring as well.

For me, this is where a lingering feeling of emptiness comes from. If I’m not playing games or working on a project, I’m basically just idling on Discord bored out of my mind with nothing to do. Life feels boring and not that fun. A lot of this feeling comes from lack of motivation that I mentioned in a previous post and feeling like an annoyance in the Discord servers I am in.

I like sharing things, sometimes too much. Not too much as in personal matters as there isn’t anything going on in my personal life but a lot of things that I find or like to talk about and I frequently feel like I am a pest that no one likes. Usually if I mention this in places as well, anyone trying to comfort or help doesn’t feel genuine at all.

I would really rather just lay in bed all day and think about nothing. After all, I mostly feel like nothing but a person no one cares about and someone who tries to be liked while still being disliked. I still want to be productive, I even made a short post about it but it only helps when I want to work on a project.

Ever since this pandemic started and everyone’s been forced to stay at home, I realized how boring my life is. it’s why I sometimes do crave for attention or acknowledgement, recognition, anything at all.


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